He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You have to summon your inner elephant
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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