I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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