I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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