I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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