Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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