Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
