omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
