just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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