Someone shit on the floor
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
