scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
someone owes me an orgasm
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
