Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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