She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
