last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
