I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
