You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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