I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize