don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
