im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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