The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize