The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
