i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
