She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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