"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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