I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
