I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
