someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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