During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
