So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize