My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
