I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
A+ Viking dick
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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