we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Randomize
