I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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