Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
pray to the hookup gods
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
