At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How naked do you want me to be?
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