No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
