Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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