I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
