I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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