bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
