I want to make a zoo with you.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Are my feet made of real feet?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
