Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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