I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
