I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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