were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
