That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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