All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
