Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
