So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
