hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize