Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's shark week go big or go home
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
