he looks like a really good dad on facebook
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
