Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
