We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
