She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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