I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
