I'm drive I can fine osifer
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
