Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she looked like the before picture.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize