she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you would pick up someone in the library
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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