proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
