If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
