Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
