My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
