ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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