I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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