be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize