youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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