In the future we'll all be gay
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
