is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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