im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
