Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
