Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
