I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
