I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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