barbara walters just said penis...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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