i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
