I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Bring me that man meat
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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