Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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