I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
