nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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