Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize